In other words, there are dozens of reasons he might not be getting it up, which have absolutely nothing to do with your relationship. Honestly, there's just no way for me to give you specific advice here. If it's a serious problem, you should encourage him to check in with his primary care physician first, and then, perhaps, a therapist, in the nicest way possible.
I'm a college guy who has only had sex a handful of times, and I've noticed a bit of a reccurring issue. During any foreplay and all that good stuff, I have a nice big erection, but as soon as I'm about to stick it in, the erection disappears like a frightened turtle. Then once the 30 seconds of embarrassing made-up explanations concludes, the erection is back.
Vijay Bhat, MD is a board certified internal medicine physician who is passionate about providing quality medical care that’s affordable for patients. He believes that integrating technology and medicine can make healthcare efficient and more accessible. Throughout his training Dr. Bhat was involved with global health initiatives, providing care to underprivileged communities locally and overseas. He’s also been a strong proponent of quality improvement in the medical field. Dr. Bhat graduated with a BS from the University of California Berkeley, and received his medical degree from Stony Brook University in New York. He completed his residency in Internal Medicine at Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson.
The percentage of men who engage in some form of sexual activity decreases from 73% for men aged 57–64 years to 26% for men aged 75–85 years.3 For some men, this constitutes a problem, but for others it does not. The aetiology for this decline in sexual activity is multifactorial and is in part due to the fact that most of the female partners undergo menopause at 52 years of age with a significant decline in their libido and desire to engage in sexual activity. A study by Lindau and colleagues3 that examined sexuality in older Americans showed that 50% of the men in a probability sample of more than 3000 US adults reported at least one bothersome sexual problem and 33% had at least two such problems.3 This article will review the normal changes that occur with ageing, factors that influence these changes, individual variations and perspectives, and the available treatment options for ED and androgen deficiency.
Alteration of NO levels is the focus of several approaches to the treatment of ED. Inhibitors of phosphodiesterase, which primarily hydrolyze cGMP type 5, provided the basis for the development of the PDE5 inhibitors. Chen et al administered oral L-arginine and reported subjective improvement in 50 men with ED.  These supplements are readily available commercially. Reported adverse effects include nausea, diarrhea, headache, flushing, numbness, and hypotension.
The medications are extremely effective, which is very good. And the medications are, for the most part, extremely well-tolerated. But there are, like with any medications, a potential downside. The one absolute downside to the use of any of these erection what we call PDE5 medications is if a patient is using a nitroglycerin medication. And nitroglycerins are used for heart disease and for angina, for the most part, although there are some recreational uses of nitrites. And that’s important because your blood vessels will dilate and your blood pressure will drop. And that is an absolute contraindication.
Thanks for your question, Frightened Turtle! To help answer it, we spoke with Dr. Darius Paduch, urologist and male sexual medicine specialist at New York Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medical Center, and sex therapist Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., director of The Intimacy Institute for sex and relationship therapy in Boulder, Colorado. Here's what they had to say:
How men can improve their sexual performance Many men want to know how to enhance their own and their partners’ sexual satisfaction. However, placing too much emphasis on performance can lead to anxiety. Certain lifestyle changes can help to reduce sexual anxiety, improve erectile dysfunction, and increase stamina. In this article, we describe 13 methods to try. Read now
Among their findings, the panel concluded that (1) the term "erectile dysfunction" should replace the term "impotence"; (2) the likelihood of erectile dysfunction increases with age but is not an inevitable consequence of aging; (3) embarrassment of patients and reluctance of both patients and health care providers to discuss sexual matters candidly contribute to underdiagnosis of erectile dysfunction; (4) many cases of erectile dysfunction can be successfully managed with appropriately selected therapy; (5) the diagnosis and treatment of erectile dysfunction must be specific and responsive to the individual patient's needs and that compliance as well as the desires and expectations of both the patient and partner are important considerations in selecting appropriate therapy; (6) education of health care providers and the public on aspects of human sexuality, sexual dysfunction, and the availability of successful treatments is essential; and (7) erectile dysfunction is an important public health problem deserving of increased support for basic science investigation and applied research.
The first step in treating the patient with ED is to take a thorough sexual, medical, and psychosocial history. Questionnaires are available to assist clinicians in obtaining important patient data. (See Presentation.) Successful treatment of sexual dysfunction has been demonstrated to improve sexual intimacy and satisfaction, improve sexual aspects of quality of life, improve overall quality of life, and relieve symptoms of depression. (See Treatment.)
Just as certain meds can make it difficult for men to have an orgasm, some can keep the flagpole from even getting raised in the first place. Anti-depressant medications like Prozac and Zoloft, anti-anxiety pills like Valium, high blood pressure medicine like Diuril, and even over-the-counter cold medicines like Sudafed and anti-heartburn pills like Zantac can inhibit erections.
In men, erectile dysfunction can be defined as being a persistent inability to get or keep an erection that is firm enough to attain sexual satisfaction. It should not be confused with the occasional incident when this occurs, which is an experience common to the vast majority of men for various reasons. These can include having had too much alcohol to drink, being overly-anxious about a new sexual partner, or being worried about current events in your life. The issue would only be classed as Erectile Dysfunction if it keeps happening again and again. Again, an erection once attained should be hard enough and last long enough to be satisfactory. Other conditions, like premature ejaculation, may interfere in this process but these are different problems, and would be treated differently.
Prostaglandins (alprostadil): Alprostadil can be injected into the penis or inserted as a pellet through the urethra. It causes an erection without sexual stimulation that usually lasts about 60 minutes. The danger with this method is that too high a dose can cause priapism, an erection that won't go away. This condition requires immediate medical attention as it can cause serious bruising, bleeding, pain and permanent penile damage. Once the doctor is sure of the right dose, the man can self-inject at home.
Patients with both ED and cardiovascular disease who receive treatment with an oral PDE5 inhibitor require education regarding what to do if anginal episodes develop while the drug is in their system. Such education includes stressing the importance of alerting emergency care providers to the presence of the drug so that nitrate treatment is avoided.
None of the ED drugs is safe to take with cardiac drugs called nitrates because it could cause a dangerous drop in blood pressure. Drugs that many men take for urinary symptoms, called alpha blockers, can also lower blood pressure, so take them at least four hours apart from ED drugs. Your doctor may start you on a smaller dose of the ED drug if you already take an alpha blocker, or may recommend the alpha blocker tamsulosin (Flomax), which affects blood pressure less.
It doesn't really matter what they are — sexual turnoffs vary wildly from person to person. But if the person you're getting it on with is doing stuff that's taking you out of the mood — even if it's stuff you feel like you're supposed to enjoy — it's time to swallow your pride and say something. Keeping it a secret might be saving you an awkward conversation in the short term, but in the long term, it could be seriously undermining your sex life.
The health care provider will ask about the firmness and duration of erections at different times (e.g., sex with partners, erections after sleep). Discussing sexual dysfunction with a health care provider is very important because many conditions causing it can be successfully treated. If a man has no diseases that cause ED and can have an erection with masturbation or early morning awakening, he likely has ED due to psychological causes.
Because of the difficulty in defining the clinical entity of erectile dysfunction, there have been a variety of entry criteria for patients in therapeutic trials. Similarly, the ability to assess efficacy of therapeutic interventions is impaired by the lack of clear and quantifiable criteria of erectile dysfunction. General considerations for treatment follow:
Alprostadil self-injection. With this method, you use a fine needle to inject alprostadil (Caverject Impulse, Edex) into the base or side of your penis. In some cases, medications generally used for other conditions are used for penile injections on their own or in combination. Examples include papaverine, alprostadil and phentolamine. Often these combination medications are known as bimix (if two medications are included) or trimix (if three are included).
I'd recommend the second option. In any long-term relationship, there will come a time when you flirt a little too much. Technology makes those little transgressions seem much more major because there's digital proof. (I'm guessing that you would never have flashed him in the real world. Would you?) Maybe you should just learn from your experience and save your boyfriend the drama. Understand that you made a mistake, and keep your breasts to yourself.
For younger men, erection problems usually go hand-in-hand with anxiety. It goes something like this. He fancies you and wants to turn you on. But he’s also worried he might not get, or keep, his erection (particularly if he really likes you and/or if this has been a problem in past relationships). These worries mean that when you try and have sex he doesn’t get hard at all, or loses his erection when he tries to penetrate you.
Obviously, there are worse problems than a guy saying "I love you" too often, but if it's a problem, it sounds like the two of you need to have a long conversation. You need to understand why he likes to say it so much: Is it because he's insecure or hoping to comfort you or just breathlessly in love? (Or some combination of the three?) And he needs to understand how it makes you feel. So, if it really bothers you, tell him why.
While pills for ED are convenient, some men sustain stronger erections by injecting medication directly into the penis. Drugs approved for this purpose work by widening the blood vessels, causing the penis to become engorged with blood. Another option is inserting a medicated pellet into the urethra. The pellet can trigger an erection within 10 minutes.