For the past few months I’ve been dating a lovely man but our relationship is at risk because he can’t get it up. He says he fancies me and always seems turned on. Sometimes he gets hard - but when we try for sex he loses his erection. On the few occasions he has got hard, he doesn’t orgasm. I’ve always been a very sexual person and would like a lot of sex. We’re hardly having any. I find it difficult to orgasm even if he tries other things because I keep thinking. Why can’t he have proper sex with me?


When sexually stimulated there is a release of a chemical, nitric oxide (NO) in the blood vessels of the corpus cavernosum. The NO stimulates the production of a compound called cGMP, which causes relaxation of the smooth muscle in the blood vessels supplying the corpus cavernosum. PDE 5 is an enzyme that breaks down cGMP. By inhibiting the breakdown of cGMP by PDE5, these medications allow cGMP to build up in the penis. cGMP causes muscles in the corpora cavernosa of the penis to relax. When the muscle is relaxed, more blood can flow into the penis and fill the spaces in the penis. As the penis fills with blood, the veins in the penis are compressed, and this results a hard erection. When the effect on PDE5 decreases, the cGMP levels go down and the muscle in the penis contracts, causing less blood to flow into the penis and allowing the veins to open up and drain blood out of the penis.
It doesn't really matter what they are — sexual turnoffs vary wildly from person to person. But if the person you're getting it on with is doing stuff that's taking you out of the mood — even if it's stuff you feel like you're supposed to enjoy — it's time to swallow your pride and say something. Keeping it a secret might be saving you an awkward conversation in the short term, but in the long term, it could be seriously undermining your sex life. 
The observation that TRT enhances the efficacy of PDE5 inhibitors in hypogonadal men taking these therapies with suboptimal response to the PDE5 inhibitors alone has been reported.33 In addition, investigators have demonstrated that TRT in hypogonadal men can improve erectile function even without the benefit of PDE5 inhibitors.33 In addition, guidelines for managing ED in hypogonadal men by the European Association of Urology recommend controlling the man to a eugonadal state prior to initiation of PDE5 inhibitor therapy.36 Testosterone measurement consists of a serum specimen which should be ideally obtained in the morning because of the normal diurnal variation of testosterone which is at its peak in the morning. Since TRT is relatively safe, and men can potentially see an improvement in erectile function, it seems prudent to consider this issue when presented with a patient suffering from ED.
A study published in May 2014 in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that some men can reverse erectile dysfunction with healthy lifestyle changes, such as exercise, weight loss, a varied diet, and good sleep. The Australian researchers also showed that even if erectile dysfunction medication is required, it's likely to be more effective if you implement these healthy lifestyle changes.
Or, perhaps, since it's been only eight months, it might actually scare you a bit. It can be unsettling when someone falls head over heels. It can be hard to trust that kind of enthusiasm, especially if you've been burned by someone who went from hot-and-heavy to suddenly cold. Even if you're crazy about him, you might need to slow things down a little. Or maybe it's harder for you to say than it is for him — and that's why it rubs you wrong.
Men, if you can't get an erection and are in a relationship with someone you deeply care about... Please.. Bring on the toys.. bring on the hands.... bring on the tounge.. do SOMETHING... Don't use that as an excuse not to erouse the woman you love. If shes not getting satisfied from you, she will find it somewhere else OR... she will be sad stuck in a relationship STARVING for sex and have pity on you. You can do so much without an erection. That's not the end all be all in orgasms for women. Trust me... You need to over compensate for problem. You can actually appear MORE manly by stepping up and making sure woman is satisfied. Don't let your bed be a graveyard.!!! I am pretty sure you can still have an orgasm without an erection.. if you have the right woman,... pleasure her. Do what it takes to help her orgasm... and then it's your turn. She will make sure you are pleased regardless if you are fully erected or squishy... Don't fret over this.. Seriously...!!! Don't feel like your manhood is any less... Rise up and serve and she will make you happy. Trust me!!
Obviously, there are worse problems than a guy saying "I love you" too often, but if it's a problem, it sounds like the two of you need to have a long conversation. You need to understand why he likes to say it so much: Is it because he's insecure or hoping to comfort you or just breathlessly in love? (Or some combination of the three?) And he needs to understand how it makes you feel. So, if it really bothers you, tell him why.
In terms of practical solutions, this is a common problem so there are some common aids. Drugs like Viagra or Cialis or Levitra work for many, many men. If his doctor recommends it, there’s no shame in popping a pill if it solves the problem — particularly if it helps alleviate the anxiety. Sometimes, a guy just needs to get his groove back for a while so he can relax and start having fun again. Also don’t forget the noble, oft-ignored cock ring, which constricts blood flow and helps men keep it up. They’re cheap and easy.
Following a detailed discussion about the history of erectile dysfunction and its risk factors, your doctor will examine the testicles and penis to help determine the cause of erectile dysfunction. Your doctor will check reflexes and pulses in the area to see if problems with blood vessels or nerves are contributing to the erectile dysfunction. If necessary, your doctor will order tests to help diagnose erectile dysfunction.
Men with physical causes of ED have options, including such medicines as sildenafil (Viagra®), vardenafil (Levitra®), or tadalafil (Cialis®). Men who use nitroglycerin products and those who should avoid sexual activity because of cardiovascular disease shouldn’t take these drugs. Other treatment modalities include use of a vacuum pump or injection of a substance (papaverine) into the penis to increase blood flow to the penis. Men can also have surgery to put a prosthesis into the penis.
Physicians make a diagnosis of erectile dysfunction in men who complain of troubles having a hard enough erection or a hard erection that does not last long enough. It is important as you talk with your doctor that you be candid in terms of when your troubles started, how bothersome your erectile dysfunction is, how severe it is, and discuss all your medical conditions along with all prescribed and nonprescribed medications that you are taking. Your doctor will ask several questions to determine if your symptoms are suggestive of erectile dysfunction and to assess its severity and possible causes. Your doctor will try to get information to answer the following questions:
The association between low testosterone and ED is not entirely clear. Although these 2 processes certainly overlap in some instances, they are distinct entities. Some 2-21% of men have both hypogonadism and ED; however, it is unclear to what degree treating the former will improve erectile function. [17] About 35-40% of men with low testosterone see an improvement in their erections with testosterone replacement; however, almost 65% of these men see no improvement. [15]
Think of erectile dysfunction as your body’s “check engine light.” The blood vessels in the penis are smaller than other parts of the body, so underlying conditions like blocked arteries, heart disease, or high blood pressure usually show up as ED before something more serious like a heart attack or stroke. ED is your body’s way of saying, “Something is wrong.” And the list of things that cause erectile dysfunction can include:
3. Are there physical causes of erectile dysfunction? Erectile dysfunction may be a symptom of underlying medical conditions, which if not detected may cause further medical problems. A prior history of cigarette smoking, heart attacks, strokes, and poor circulation in the extremities (for example, intermittent claudication or cramping in your leg[s] when you walk) suggest atherosclerosis as the cause of the erectile dysfunction. Loss of sexual desire and drive, lack of sexual fantasies, gynecomastia (enlargement of breasts), and diminished facial hair suggest low testosterone levels. A prior history of pelvic surgery or radiation and trauma to the penis/pelvis/perineum can cause problems with the nerves and blood vessels. Symptoms of intermittent claudication of the lower extremities with exercise may suggest a vascular problem as a cause of the erectile dysfunction.
Your like a lot of posters in forums. You make crazy statement's and weather you know it or not, your totaly wrong. Im 56 and my wife is 37. We have a good sex life and are always going at it when we can. I pity peeps like you and fig your kind of logic helps you deal with your inadequate performance. Get help or live alone and leave the keyboard alone.
Or, perhaps, since it's been only eight months, it might actually scare you a bit. It can be unsettling when someone falls head over heels. It can be hard to trust that kind of enthusiasm, especially if you've been burned by someone who went from hot-and-heavy to suddenly cold. Even if you're crazy about him, you might need to slow things down a little. Or maybe it's harder for you to say than it is for him — and that's why it rubs you wrong.
Erectile dysfunction (ED) affects 50% of men older than 40 years, [4] exerting substantial effects on quality of life. [5] This common problem is complex and involves multiple pathways. Penile erections are produced by an integration of physiologic processes involving the central nervous, peripheral nervous, hormonal, and vascular systems. Any abnormality in these systems, whether from medication or disease, has a significant impact on the ability to develop and sustain an erection, ejaculate, and experience orgasm.
Stiffy Solution: Again, saying "stop being so stressed out so you can get boners again" is easier said than done — but a lot of people find sexual dysfunction to be a stronger motivator to live a healthier lifestyle than the threat of, say, a heart attack down the road; so there's a chance that this could actually be a good thing in the long run for your boo, if it helps him take his stress seriously. Relaxation techniques like yoga, exercise, meditation, tai chi, and getting adequate sleep can all lessen the impact of stress on your body (and your dong).

This statement is more than five years old and is provided solely for historical purposes. Due to the cumulative nature of medical research, new knowledge has inevitably accumulated in this subject area in the time since the statement was initially prepared. Thus some of the material is likely to be out of date, and at worst simply wrong. For reliable, current information on this and other health topics, we recommend consulting the National Institutes of Health's MedlinePlus http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/.
JP graduated from University of California, Davis with a degree in Human Development. Prior to Lemonaid, JP worked in worker’s compensation case management, ensuring patients avoided permanent disability and adhered to medication guidelines to prevent medication overdose. She also spent time volunteering at pediatric occupational therapy clinics helping differently-abled children. She has a strong interest in mental health advocacy and believes that no matter the circumstance, everyone deserves the best quality of life possible. She joined the Lemonaid mission because she strongly supports the idea that healthcare should be both affordable and easily accessible to everyone. Outside of work, she enjoys DIY projects, anything crafty, live music and spending time with her dogs!
Picture this: you have the girl of your dreams laid out before you. You’re kissing and things are getting hot and heavy. There’s just one problem: you can’t get hard. Your thoughts quickly turn from “this is amazing” to “this is a disaster,” and before you know it, the story of your floppy dick is making its way down your lover’s social circle. That is if she’s an insensitive gossip. Either way, not being able to get a boner when the time is right is beyond embarrassing.
Maybe your performance issues stem from feelings of discomfort relating to something you've done. Are you having trouble performing because you're feeling uncertain about whether you really love your partner? Or because you feel like you crossed a line in terms of infidelity and now the guilt is tearing you up inside? Maybe your conscience is what's wreaking havoc with your sex.
There are hundreds of medications that have the side effect of ED and/or decreased libido. Examples of drugs implicated as a cause of ED include hydrochlorothiazides and beta-blocking agents. Medications used to treat depression, particularly the SSRIs such as citalopram (Celexa), escitalopram (Lexapro), fluoxetine (Prozac, Prozac Weekly, Sarafem), fluvoxamine (Luvox, Luvox CR), paroxetine (Paxil, Paxil CR, Pexeva) and sertraline (Zoloft), may also contribute to ED.9 Bupropion (Wellbutrin) which has a predominant effect on blocking the reuptake of dopamine is an antidepressant with lower incidence of ED.10 The side effects of 5ARIs occurring in fewer than 5% of patients can include gynaecomastia, ED, loss of libido and ejaculatory dysfunction.11
Tadalafil should not be used with alpha-blockers (except Flomax), medicines used to treat high blood pressure, and benign prostate hypertrophy (BPH) because the combination of tadalafil and an alpha-blocker may lower the blood pressure greatly and lead to dizziness and fainting. Examples of alpha-blockers include tamsulosin (Flomax), terazosin (Hytrin), doxazosin (Cardura), alfuzosin (Uroxatral), and prazosin (Minipress). Tamsulosin (Flomax) is the only alpha-blocker that patients can use safely with tadalafil. When tadalafil (20 mg) was given to healthy men taking 0.4 mg of Flomax daily, there was no significant decrease in blood pressure and so patients on this dose of tamsulosin (Flomax) can be prescribed tadalafil. The only alpha-blocker not tested with tadalafil is alfuzosin (Uroxatral), and no recommendations can be made regarding the interaction between the two.
Normal erectile function depends on the release of NO and endothelial-dependent vasodilation of the penile arteries. The ‘artery size’ hypothesis, first described by Dr Montorsi, offers an explanation why men are more likely to develop ED before a myocardial infacrtion. It is believed that atherosclerosis affects all vascular beds equally but smaller arteries are more likely to become occluded than larger arteries.31 32 The penile arteries are 1–2 mm while the coronary arteries are 3–4 mm. Thus, the same degree of endothelial dysfunction and atherosclerosis is more likely to occlude blood flow in the penile arteries compared with the coronary arteries. The penile arteries therefore serve as a sensitive indicator for subsequent CVD. This theory is supported by the fact that ED occurs approximately 3 years prior to cardiac symptoms in virtually all patients with chronic coronary syndrome whereas patients with acute coronary syndrome have a much lower prevalence of sexual dysfunction.32
Psychological factors — Psychological issues such as depression, anxiety, guilt or fear can sometimes cause sexual problems. At one time, these factors were thought to be the major cause of impotence. Doctors now know that physical factors cause impotence in most men with the problem. However, embarrassment or "performance anxiety" can make a physical problem worse.
When stimulated by the nerves, the spongy tissue arranges itself in such a way that more blood can be stored in the penis. The veins running through the outer sheath of the penis then compress which stops the blood from leaving the penis. As the blood is stopped from flowing out, the penis fills with blood and stretches within the outer casing, giving an erection.
Impotence is the inability to get and keep an erection hard enough to have sex. Many men experience difficulties getting an erection when they are tired or stressed. This is normal and it doesn’t require treatment. However, if you encounter problems that persist, you may be suffering with a degree of impotence. Impotence is a very treatable condition and help is available either when you visit your local GP or an online doctor.
One study examined the role of testosterone supplementation in hypogonadal men with ED. These men were considered nonresponders to sildenafil, and their erections were monitored by assessing nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT). After these men were given testosterone transdermally for 6 months, the number of NPTs increased, as did the maximum rigidity with sildenafil. [18] This study suggests that a certain level of testosterone may be necessary for PDE5 inhibitors to function properly.
Erectile dysfunction can have so many long-lasting effects that the inability to achieve an erection is almost the least of them. Men who suffer from erectile dysfunction often suffer from self-esteem concerns, and these can then translate into issues regarding sexual relationships, friendships, and even work-related relationships. As things begin to spiral out of control, men dealing with erectile dysfunction may go on to suffer from depression, anxiety, and other psychological problems that further inhibit relationship and sexual intimacy. So what is it that’s causing this mess?
Certain types of blood pressure medications, antiulcer drugs, antihistamines, tranquilizers (especially before intercourse), antifungals (hetoconazole), antipsychotics, antianxiety drugs, and antidepressants, known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs, including Prozac and Paxil), can interfere with erectile function. Smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, and illicit drug use may also contribute. In rare cases, low levels of the male hormone testosterone may contribute to erectile failure. Finally, psychological factors, such as stress, guilt, or anxiety, may also play a role, even when the impotence is primarily due to organic causes.
To a significant degree, the public, particularly older men, is conditioned to accept erectile dysfunction as a condition of progressive aging for which little can be done. In addition, there is considerable inaccurate public information regarding sexual function and dysfunction. Often, this is in the form of advertisements in which enticing promises are made, and patients then become even more demoralized when promised benefits fail to materialize. Accurate information on sexual function and the management of dysfunction must be provided to affected men and their partners. They also must be encouraged to seek professional help, and providers must be aware of the embarrassment and/or discouragement that may often be reasons why men with erectile dysfunction avoid seeking appropriate treatment.
You may already know that lots of hard drugs — like cocaine, heroin, or Oxycontin — can cause sexual problems (though, quite frankly, if you're on cocaine, heroin, or Oxycontin, you have many more pressing concerns to deal with than getting dirrrty). But did you know that sometimes, even pot can inhibit erections? And you thought weed was just a harmless way to enjoy the musical stylings of Pink Floyd. Who knew it could actually mess with one's own pink floyd?
#6 It’s performance anxiety. Many men suffer from performance anxiety, and that’s another reason you can’t get hard. Simply put, you’re too nervous to get your dick up. And that’s okay, it happens! This is likely to happen if you haven’t had sex in a while or if you’re starting up with a new partner. Sex is supposed to be fun, but worrying over your prowess between the sheets can make sex the exact opposite of what’s it’s supposed to be. [Read: 13 ways to overcome sexual anxiety and perform]

Sexual stimulation causes the release of neurotransmitters from cavernosal nerve endings and relaxation factors from endothelial cells lining the sinusoids. NOS produces NO from L-arginine, and this, in turn, produces other muscle-relaxing chemicals, such as cGMP and cyclic adenosine monophosphate (cAMP), which work via calcium channel and protein kinase mechanisms (see the image below). This results in the relaxation of smooth muscle in the arteries and arterioles that supply the erectile tissue, producing a dramatic increase in penile blood flow.
In terms of practical solutions, this is a common problem so there are some common aids. Drugs like Viagra or Cialis or Levitra work for many, many men. If his doctor recommends it, there’s no shame in popping a pill if it solves the problem — particularly if it helps alleviate the anxiety. Sometimes, a guy just needs to get his groove back for a while so he can relax and start having fun again. Also don’t forget the noble, oft-ignored cock ring, which constricts blood flow and helps men keep it up. They’re cheap and easy.
As blood flows into the penis, the corpora cavernosa swell, and this swelling compresses the veins (blood vessels that drain the blood out of the penis) against the tunica albuginea. Compression of the veins prevents blood from leaving the penis. This creates a hard erection. When the amount of cGMP decreases by the action of a chemical called phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5), the muscles in the penis tighten, and the blood flow into the penis decreases. With less blood coming into the penis, the veins are not compressed, allowing blood to drain out of the penis, and the erection goes down.
Normal erectile function depends on the release of NO and endothelial-dependent vasodilation of the penile arteries. The ‘artery size’ hypothesis, first described by Dr Montorsi, offers an explanation why men are more likely to develop ED before a myocardial infacrtion. It is believed that atherosclerosis affects all vascular beds equally but smaller arteries are more likely to become occluded than larger arteries.31 32 The penile arteries are 1–2 mm while the coronary arteries are 3–4 mm. Thus, the same degree of endothelial dysfunction and atherosclerosis is more likely to occlude blood flow in the penile arteries compared with the coronary arteries. The penile arteries therefore serve as a sensitive indicator for subsequent CVD. This theory is supported by the fact that ED occurs approximately 3 years prior to cardiac symptoms in virtually all patients with chronic coronary syndrome whereas patients with acute coronary syndrome have a much lower prevalence of sexual dysfunction.32
In other words, there are dozens of reasons he might not be getting it up, which have absolutely nothing to do with your relationship. Honestly, there's just no way for me to give you specific advice here. If it's a serious problem, you should encourage him to check in with his primary care physician first, and then, perhaps, a therapist, in the nicest way possible.
Taking one of these tablets will not automatically produce an erection. Sexual stimulation is needed first to cause the release of nitric oxide from your penile nerves. These medications amplify that signal, allowing some men to function normally. Oral erectile dysfunction medications are not aphrodisiacs, will not cause excitement and are not needed in men who get normal erections.
Or, perhaps, since it's been only eight months, it might actually scare you a bit. It can be unsettling when someone falls head over heels. It can be hard to trust that kind of enthusiasm, especially if you've been burned by someone who went from hot-and-heavy to suddenly cold. Even if you're crazy about him, you might need to slow things down a little. Or maybe it's harder for you to say than it is for him — and that's why it rubs you wrong.

Several pathways have been described to explain how information travels from the hypothalamus to the sacral autonomic centers. One pathway travels from the dorsomedial hypothalamus through the dorsal and central gray matter, descends to the locus ceruleus, and projects ventrally in the mesencephalic reticular formation. Input from the brain is conveyed through the dorsal spinal columns to the thoracolumbar and sacral autonomic nuclei.
#7 You’re way too distracted. It’s not exactly sexy to try and screw while your newborn/parents/relatives/friends are perched in the next room. If you’re distracted by a loud TV, knocks at the door, or your phone going off while you’re trying to go down on your partner, it’s going to make it an aggravating sexual experience. Not exactly ideal grounds for getting an erection.
The percentage of men who engage in some form of sexual activity decreases from 73% for men aged 57–64 years to 26% for men aged 75–85 years.3 For some men, this constitutes a problem, but for others it does not. The aetiology for this decline in sexual activity is multifactorial and is in part due to the fact that most of the female partners undergo menopause at 52 years of age with a significant decline in their libido and desire to engage in sexual activity. A study by Lindau and colleagues3 that examined sexuality in older Americans showed that 50% of the men in a probability sample of more than 3000 US adults reported at least one bothersome sexual problem and 33% had at least two such problems.3 This article will review the normal changes that occur with ageing, factors that influence these changes, individual variations and perspectives, and the available treatment options for ED and androgen deficiency.
Erection dissatisfaction can actually enhance lovemaking. The dark cloud of erection changes has a silver lining. Young couples often have problems because young men become aroused faster than young women. Young men are often all finished before young women have even started to get aroused. Post-50 erection changes slow men’s arousal process so their erotic pace more closely matches women’s. A slower pace allows plenty time for kissing, cuddling, and whole-body massage, all essential to most women’s enjoyment of sex. Seen in this light, for many older couples, erection dissatisfaction can be a gift.
“Cardiovascular exercise and weight resistance exercises increase a man’s testosterone, which helps ward off ED,” Gittens says. The problem is, your testosterone levels drop as you age. Your levels now as a 25-year-old will drop about 50 percent by the time you're 75, according to data from the Reviews of Urology. To keep your levels high, check out this testosterone-boosting workout.

"One couple came to see me, and when I asked the man how long he'd had erectile dysfunction, he told me it had been happening for five years. His wife looked at him and said: 'But this is the first I've heard of this.'" He adds that Viagra-type drugs can mask the problem, and many men still buy them online to avoid talking to their doctor about their difficulties in the bedroom. As a result, their risk of heart attack is never picked up.
Me? I'm in my 60's and never had ED, not even once. And never failed to have a good orgasm with sexual activity. Unfortunately, I think it has created too much of a contrast to my wife, who has never had an orgasm, and now in menopause has given up and won't even let me touch her sexually (hugging and kissing is fine, but that's as far as she'll let me go).
ED is defined as the inability to achieve a full erection or the inability to maintain an erection adequate for sexual intimacy. Other types of sexual dysfunction such as premature ejaculation and low libido may occur; however, the most common and disruptive problem in men is ED. Although most men will experience periodic episodes of ED, these episodes tend to become more frequent with advancing age.
Think of erectile dysfunction as your body’s “check engine light.” The blood vessels in the penis are smaller than other parts of the body, so underlying conditions like blocked arteries, heart disease, or high blood pressure usually show up as ED before something more serious like a heart attack or stroke. ED is your body’s way of saying, “Something is wrong.” And the list of things that cause erectile dysfunction can include:
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